PRESS RELEASE, Trenzalore (14th August) — The Parker Institute for Time Travel Studies (The PITTS) has annouced that it will delay publication of the next issue of its popular Fish and TARDIS Sauce (FATS) newsletter until the staff’s mass lethargy has worn off. The sadness, first reported in the month following Matt Smith’s retirement from the BBC’s Doctor Who, seems to have become a deep-seated melancholy that has caused FATS employees to seek solace by playing music of Karen Carpenter while sharing Grumpy Cat photos on Facebook. The PITTS seeks to reassure all employees of its sister organization, and let them know the company’s health care plan will provide counseling, doctor recommendations, and whiskey as needed for self-medication.
Placid Savage, spokeswoman for The PITTS, said the current sadness is not unlike the anguish, grief, and heartache that can be seen on any sensible synonym search for words like sadness. Savage, in a moment of unusual candor, rebuffed a reporter’s suggestion that running her operation from a graveyard at the end of time might be contributing to low employee morale. She shrugged. “I don’t know. Who give a shit?”
This prompted Herb Wells, Chief Technology Officer for Steampunk Technology, to later tweet:
- The fucking 70s were happier than this! #disco #MoralEquivalentofWar
Wells has been suspended without pay pending a formal review of his communication skills. He was last seen in College Station, Texas.
Meanwhile, The PITTS cancelled its 2014 plans to test the grandfather paradox and Shrödinger’s Cat experiment until the Institute has had time to consult with Peter Capaldi and Stephen Moffat.
At the time they went to press The PITTS’ calls to Kurt Cobain had gone unanswered. The PITTS also reached out to Joplain and Morrison, but results have been a real letdown.
Until next time … if there is a next time … peace from
Copyright © 2013 Keith Parker.