Clara_imageI’ve noticed I frequently post a picture of Doctor Who’s companions on my blog. Lest you think I’m a total lech, the main reason for doing this is to draw attention to my blog. After all, photos of Romana, Rose, Clara (pictured), or Susan have a lot more sex appeal than tintypes of septic tanks. That’s just good ol’ common sense. But there’s something deeper

something Freudian

about my consistent choice of hot babes pretty women to punctuate my web logging these days. And that “something” has to do with romance. In New Who — as well as many classic Who episodes with Tom Baker — there is a romantic tension that exists between the Doctor and his Companions. And the Doctor is usually unaware of it. And while he does show considerable affection for his mates on ye olde TARDIS the Doctor doesn’t seem to take a hint very well. You could justify this because he’s not human, or because the stakes are so high that he doesn’t have time for love, or because he’s immortal and will outlive whoever he does fall for. But really, the dude is just clueless. Women notice him, but he doesn’t reciprocate. And this characteristic, rather than being rude or chauvinistic, adds to his charm … or so it would seem.

(I will add parenthetically, which is why this paragraph is in parentheses, that the Doctor does notice his Companions from time-to-time. Clearly he is in deep anguish about Rose. And on a lighter note he chews his wrist off at the sight of Clara’s tight skirt. But these are exceptions, not the rule.)

So why am I so curious? I think it’s because at heart I’m a romantic. I’ve probably always known this, but I really had to admit it after a college friend reviewed my novel (here) and told me that my “adventure” was actually a “romance.” She was right. It turns out — through no fault of my own — that I am fascinated by the intercourse interplay between guys and girls. And Doctor Who (the man) is in many ways my own opposite. The beautiful girl is right under his nose and he completely misses her flirting, suggestiveness, or explicit passes.

How am I the opposite? Well, I was the one who noticed the girls back in the day. Another obsession we writers share is people watching. If I were attracted to a girl, no detail was too small to notice: her clothes, her eyeglasses, her legs, her jokes, her snorts, or that (unbelievably) cute way she’d have of tucking her hair under a baseball cap with the pony tail sticking out. And yet, ironically, romance was often elusive as hell.

“It’s not that you’re unattractive, Keith. I just don’t want a relationship right now,” she’d said, right before she started dating the other guy (we’ll call him David).

But this has a happy ending. After crossing that Rubicon from my teens to my twenties, I met the girl of my dreams; I even married her. But I spent many years wanting to be that Doctor Who archetype, that absent-minded, bumbling, good-looking free spirit. Maybe I am some of these things, some of the time. But I am not all of these things all of the time. He is not I, and vice versa in reverse. And we have to live with truths. So, whether you’re a plumber, artist, attorney, Time Lord, burglar, or engineer, it’s important to remember what that succinct bastard William Shakespeare said: “To thine own self be true.” You actually have no choice, no matter how many time machines you have.

Years truly,
(Bane of David)

Text copyright © 2013 by Keith Parker

The photo and Doctor Who are copyright © 2013 by the BBC

The Definite Article The

Amy Pond … “You may be a doctor. But I’m the Doctor. The definite article, you might say.” ~ Tom Baker playing the Fourth Doctor

It’s funny how quotes tell you so much about a person; Doctor Who, himself, and Doctor Who, the series, simply oozes quotability.  In fact, there are tumblr pages, blogs, Twitter feeds, and Facebook pages greater than the sum total of their parts dedicated to doing just this.  So, why another?  Because I want to.

Speaking of Twitter, if you happen to follow me I’m trying an experiment, changing my “SFQOTD” to a “DWQOTD” (or perhaps to “QWERTY”) if the mood strikes.  Regardless of what I call it (and not irregardless of what I call it, which would mean without without regard to what I call it) quotes, zingers, and one-liners appeal to me because I’ve always felt I was at my best when quoting zingers and one-liners.

There’s something special about quotes; it says something about the one quoted (namely that he said it at all), and it says something about the person quoting him (that you’ve chosen this quote to make a point about the person who said it).

Ultimately, what Doctor Who does, via quotes, is to bring out the humanity of the characters even when the show is hip-deep in campy science fiction bullshit.  So, today’s blog is an homage to some of the best lines I’ve heard in my limited time as a Whovian.  The picture of Amy Pond is there because I think she’s hot.  Without further ado, the quotes:

On romance:

  • The Doctor: So, the year five billion. The Sun expands.  Earth gets roasted.
  • Rose: That was our first date.

On moral relativism:

  • Rose: Bet you five quid I can make her [Queen Victoria] say it.
  • The Doctor: If I gambled on that, it’d be an abuse of my privilege as a traveler in time.
  • Rose: Ten quid.
  • The Doctor: Done.

On perspective:

  • Mickey: What’s a horse doing on a spaceship?
  • The Doctor: Mickey, what’s pre-revolutionary France doing on a spaceship?

On geography:

  • The Doctor: Lots of planets have a north.

On sentimentality:

  • The Doctor: All my love to long ago.

On pop culture:

  • The Doctor: Elvis. No, The Beatles! Oh, wait, there was that remix.

On time:

  • The Doctor: People assume that time is a strict progression of cause-and-effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it’s more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly, timey-wimey stuff.

On compliments:

  • The Doctor: Correctamundo!  I’ve never used that word before and hopefully never again.

On insults:

  • The Doctor: You are a perfect example of the inverse ratio between the size of the mouth and the size of the brain.

On wanderlust:

  • Romana: Where are we going?
  • The Doctor: Are you speaking philosophically or geographically?
  • Romana: Philosophically.
  • The Doctor: Then we’re going to lunch.

And finally, on logic:

  • The Doctor: Well, I just put 1.795372 and 2.204628 together.
  • Romana: And what does that mean?
  • The Doctor: Four!

Years truly,


Copyright © 2013 Ketih Parker, except for all the stuff on this page that I don’t own the copyright to.